Miracles and life can be messy and painful

Hello Again!

Yes, I'm still here trying to make the time to visit.

My recovery has been incredible to say the least.  Incredibly humbling, overwhelming and encouraging.

It is now November 2016 and as of last week I no longer need my glasses.
What you ask?  I've needed glasses to correct a simple stigmatism off and on again since I was 16.  But with the stroke I needed to wear them all the time.  My eyes just couldn't do it without causing me a debilitating headache.  But last week I lost most of my vision and saw things swimming around, it kinda looked like snow, for about 30 seconds.  It TOTALLY freaked me out.  And with the vision loss came a deep bruise like pain in the back of my head.  It wasn't necessarily painful just a deep bruised feeling.  Not wanting to freak my family out by running to the hospital, again, I just mentioned it to my hubby and went to bed hoping to sleep it off.  DON'T DO THAT...if you have loss of vision and pain in your head please go to the hospital or your doctors!

Well, me and my hope that I would feel better in the morning didn't work out so well. I still ended up calling my doctor who, surprise, said I needed a CT scan to make sure things were ok.  So what I had hopped to avoid came anyway and I ended up at the hospital from 11-6.  Not quite what I had planned to do on a Wednesday. :-(

However, the CT scan showed that everything looked even better than it did at my last CT scan this summer!  Things just continued to improve!  Yippee for us!

So what was going on?  I went to work the next week and my boss made note that each time I'd ended up in pain at the hospital that I had experienced healing so maybe I don't need my glasses anymore.  Huun, I thought that's easy to find out....and off my glasses came.

It's now been a week and I can see clearly with no head or eye pain.  No vision, balance or bruise issues.  In fact the bruise feeling went away the day after I took my glasses off.  I think she was on to something for each Hospital visit I have made since my stroke has been around the time of finding out I was healed from the stroke or one of it's side effects.  So I discovered that in my life miracles can be a bit messy when I try to do it our way and a bit painful when I fight what He has done.

As I've said before nothing is wasted with God so I always have to ask....

What I learned this time?

1. I still don't listen.  If I had been listening to my body and not over extending myself in the business of life, again, I might have noticed a still small voice letting me know that the glasses were no longer needed.

2. Referring to #1, I am to busy, again.  I want so badly to be back in the mix of life that I'm pushing to hard and missing what matters most....time with my Savior and with those He has placed in my life.  Life is short and time in the ER is long.  I'd much rather be with my people where God has planted me.  There are things He has given me to do and I'm reminded that I'm not doing them in exchange for the 'business'.

3. I am again humbled to be surrounded by such faithful people who love me and love the Lord. Who accept the mess that I am with grace and truth.  Those who see that we are on a journey, an adventure, that doesn't end in this life, thankfully, and that we need each other to make it.

Now What?

I'm still a mess! I still don't have it figured out! I still need clear, burning bush, guidance.

But I don't think any of those 'what now' things are necessarily bad.  I don't want to survive this life I want to thrive and live abundantly.  Abundantly in my experience tends to be messy.  However, for that to happen I need to live dependently on Christ as my guide.  I will never have it all figured out.

Proverbs 3:5-8 reminds us of this very thing:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

 It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones."

 

He needs to be my vision, His word a lamp unto my path (Psalms 119:105)

 

This seems to be a common theme within my life.  Even before the stroke this truth has been over me but at the time I think I believed that I was invincible and that I needed to be older to really understand.  I assumed that I would live to be a beautiful older age like my grandparents who loved the Lord and faithfully prayed for their family. But we can be assured that nothing in this life is assured except Christ.  Time waits for no man (or woman) we've all heard it before and it is true.  Time waits for no one and no one can redo time.  We have today, this moment.  I hope you make it count.  I know that is what I'm working on.

 

Don't forget to tell your loved ones that you love them. Don't be stingy with your heart, hugs or encouragement.  You never know the difference your sincerity can be to anyone or everyone you come into contact with.

 

Blessings on this journey,

Amber