Is It Possible?

If I picked up this book I would read to the end to make sure it was a happy ending....so I struggle with how to write.

My heart is so full.  Do I laugh? Do I cry? Dance maybe? Or all three?  I choose all 3!

But first and foremost I go to God in prayer and praise as He is the one who brought us to this place.

Today is August 17th, 2016.  Seven months ago, I suffered a stroke based in the two main arteries going to my brain which should have killed me. Seven months ago, the world of my family and our close friends changed.  I knew nothing of strokes at the time, I just knew what the doctors said when they came in my room. It is very rare for people to survive the kind of stroke I had.  

Even at that time I knew that we were in God's hands.  We were already no strangers to suffering or loss and we had seen in the midst of our grieving the faithfulness of our God. He never left us and has been glorified in our lives through the struggles.  I knew He was big enough for this too.

The last seven months have had high highs and low lows. There are times I am not proud of, behaviors that I've had to reconsider and repent from.  I have seen myself in a very different light.  I have also seen those around me in a different light.  I don't hesitate to tell someone I love them, to hug, to offer what I've learned about hope, purpose and the beauty that God can make from the ashes.  Suffering isn't pretty, it's not fun, but it's not wasted either.  We would never in our right minds sign up for it.  We wouldn't offer up our families for the trial of suffering.  But we live in a fallen world and suffering abounds, there is no lack.

Waking up on January 14th I didn't realize it could have been my last morning. But I do now.  Any day could be our last.  I plead with you, don't miss life, your kids, your spouse, and what is going on around you! Put down your phone, step away from work, the computer, the TV and take a good look at the world around you.  Say "I love you" and mean it, give hugs, look people in the eye everywhere you go and smile.  Your alive! You have a beautiful purpose, don't squander it on the busy stuff, life is too short for that.

Before I had my stroke I was looking for an adventure. :-) The stroke was not really what I had in mind but it has definitely been all that and more.

Let's rewind to three weeks ago. I found out, after my post stroke six-month brain scans, that the artery on the right side of my neck had healed…awesome! But I was also told that I was developing a pseudo-aneurysm where the dissection was. I was told that this was not an immediate threat and not to worry about it. Yea, right. But that I needed to keep my blood pressure down, keep life easy, no stress, no working out, no running, no, no, no.  You get the picture, play it safe. I was then sent to an amazing Neuro-Surgeon for follow up. Unfortunately, a few days later I ended up at the doctor’s office with an 'I want to climb in a hole and die' pain in my head, but no other symptoms.  The pain was completely overwhelming and I was unable to function, or move, even breathing hurt, so off to the ER they sent me from the doctor’s office.  They ruled it a migraine, gave me the 'migraine ER cocktail' and sent me home.  I was out of it for about a week afterward.... ugh. It was not a pretty week.

But today was different.  Today was my Neuro-Surgeon appointment.  We figured that we would be coming up with a game plan for this new development and treatment for my continued health.  We were a little nervous about the whole thing.  However, when the doctor walked in he asked why we were there. We were very confused.

We explained about the stroke and the pseudo-aneurysm.  He looked a little confused and pulled up one of my scans.  He went on to explain that my stroke had completely healed.  We figured he was talking about the right side artery because the left side artery had collapsed.  So I asked about it.  He scrolled through the many pictures and showed us the two arteries fully functional and noted that there was a little squiggle in the right artery but it was nothing to be concerned about, it wasn’t a pseudo-aneurysm.

He said I'm completely healed.  

We are scheduling follow up scans in a year just to make sure everything still looks good but at this point I have no restrictions, NONE! My husband and I were in absolute shock!

Is it possible?

I remember thinking back to when the stroke happened and doctors kept telling me I shouldn't have survived and I kept answering "You don't know my God!" with Him all things are possible.

We didn't even know how to process it.  We praised God.  We laughed a little, we cried, I danced.  We went out for coffee at Dutch Bros. :-) The lady who took our order didn't know what hit her.... she was the first one to hear of the miracle! Healed.  We just couldn't wrap our brains around it. Healed. No more restrictions. Healed. No more fear of high blood pressure. HEALED! I mentioned in an earlier post that the word for the time of the stroke and healing had been “overwhelmed.” We had been so overwhelmed but this one took the cake.  God had healed me.  I have two working arteries, no more dissection, no pseudo-aneurysm.  It was my second miracle.  He saved my life and let me stay with my family after the stroke.  And now He had restored by body to a state of healed.  I am humbled, I am amazed, I am overwhelmed, I am hopeful that I will walk worthy of this gift I've been given.  May His praise ever be on my lips.

At the same time, we are still experiencing great sorrow as someone we love suffers deeply from cancer and my heart is heavy as I think of her and her family. My heart is heavy as I look at those who suffer around me.  As I see those who have not been healed.  My prayers are for them and for their families for I know personally the power of prayer.  But I also understand that God's ways are not ours.  I don't understand why some are healed and others are not.  There are so many things I don't understand.  But I do know with complete confidence that nothing is wasted with God. He is good all the time.  And in this sinful fallen world He is the only true hope there is.  We have known deep grief and suffering over and over in our lives but we have never walked alone.  He has always been there to comfort and guide.  

I hope to continue to share life's journey with those who chose to follow.  As we can attest, we are learning as we go and there is so much left to learn.  Life is a beautiful mystery and I don't want to miss a moment.

Love,

Amber 

Philippians 1:21-30

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.  But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose.  But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith, so that your proud confidence in me may abound in Christ Jesus through my coming to you again."