The first few weeks
after the stroke wouldn't have gone well without the love and support of our
friends and family. I thing it is a fair assessment that crisis are best
survived when you are surrounded by loving family and friends...especially the
kind that don't hover or smother but are there to gently help or pick up in the
areas that get lost in the moment.
Family
I wouldn't have
been able to successfully function those first few weeks without my husband who
lovingly reassured me in my healing and God's hand in the process. He was
my memory, my guide, my protector and my rock. My older kids also
supported me in amazing ways by always keeping an eye on me when their Dad was
gone and going above and beyond to watch, care for, and comfort their younger siblings
during this time. I slept most of the time for the first 2 weeks and my
Mom and Mother in law both spent a week helping my family and I by staying at
our house. They keep things moving by cooking, cleaning, playing and
watching the kids and making sure I was staying mellow. None of the above
was easy. I am a very independent person who now found myself a
very dependent person. It has been incredibly hard for me to accept
help. But with a busy family of 7 nothing is that simple and help was
desperately needed. As I have learned to accept, with a few
reservations, the help of family and friends we not only survived
this time but I can say with confidence, 4 months later, that each of
the challenges we faced has brought us closer as a family. It has been wonderful
to see how my accepting help has given way to a deeper understanding of
not only my husband and children but also our extended family. Their love
is deep and by allowing them in to help I was giving them a way to serve our
family and show us a practical side of love. It was hard to have
someone else do my laundry, wash my dishes and clean my bathrooms but these are
all things that need to be done. My kids are completely capable of all
these things but they too were on survival mode and busy with school and their
other commitments. We needed help and they stepped in and took care of
it. I can't thank them enough.
Friends
And then there
are friends. Friends are a special breed of amazing (or crazy depending on
how you want to look at it)! I'm not comparing friends vs. family...they
are each distinctive and important but I do want to highlight some of
the unique and special miracles that friendships are. They
appear in our lives in unexpected ways and they become family. We have
been richly blessed with people whom we lovingly call friends, confidants,
fellow weekend warriors and shoulders to lean on. I've found that in the
world we currently occupy that people don't really understand the need to be a
friend or the need, no really a requirement!, to have a friend. Some
find it easier to serve as a friend but being able to be served and helped in a
time of need is what it is like to have a friend. A friend is someone who
can see you, your house, your kids, and your spouse at it's
worst and they still come back. They are the few that can see the raw
mess that you are and they love you anyway. Hopefully everyone has
someone like that in their lives. But as I said we have been blessed with
a few of these amazing people and they too helped to carry our family during
this time of difficulty and I cannot understate the immense support they are to
us all. They took the little's for play dates, made meals, stopped by
just to check on the kids and hang out while I was in the hospital, they called
the big boys and made sure they had what they needed, they prayed with our kids
and us, some visited the hospital, while others called, sent flowers and cards
just to let us know they loved us.
Could we have survived
this on our own?
Without God, not a
chance.
Without family? Without
friends?
We are survivors so I'd
say we could have survived but our scars would have been many. We could
have hidden it removed ourselves and our children from our lives and suffered
alone, as many people do. We could have just done it on our own and we would
have carried the scars and loneliness for years to come. But God has
supplied us with this great net of security, comfort and love in our
friends and family. We would be crazy to try and do it on our own! But I
don't take that support for granted! I am overwhelmingly grateful.
All you have to do is
spend some time in a hospital to see how many people don't have the support
I've shared about today. Just seeing the sick young and old sitting in a
room by themselves trying to figure out how to survive. It breaks my
heart. No one is an island, no one can survive alone. It is up to
each of us to put down our phones, step out of the business of life and get to
know our neighbors, talk to the people around us and really care. Do you
know who lives next to you? Do you know the name of your bank teller?
hair dresser? grocery clerk? barista? the list goes on and on. We come
into contact with so many people each day and everyone has a story, everyone
has burdens and everyone is valuable and loved by God. So should they be
valuable to us too! And the only way to make it, is to open ourselves to the
friendships that are around us. To love people where they are. You may be
the only person who does that for that person?
Out of my experience I
challenge you to open your eyes to the people around you. Say a genuine
'hello' expecting nothing in return. Chose to be friendly and possibly
become a friend. When you’re on the train, the bus, or the elevator make eye
contact. Be that person! Smile, you have no idea what their story maybe
and you may be exactly what they need to make it another day. Don't be
afraid of being vulnerable or of helping. It takes both to be a friend.
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