I just don't finish things....

I have always struggled with completing "personal" projects.  I love dreaming them up!  I relish preparing for them. Gather supplies, planning and getting started are so much fun.  But I've found if I don't have that outside pull, draw or expectation I just tend to get distracted. 

I've allowed that "idea" that I just don't complete personal things that I start to become like a badge.  "Oh I'll get back to that later" or in my mind "I just knew I wouldn't finish so why bother starting"  What awful self talk!!  I had myself set up for failure before I ever began.  How sad.

But God got my attention that the self talk I was allowing to invade my life was not from Him.  That is not the way a child of the Living God should ever talk to herself.  He made me to be who I am....the way I am for a reason.  And by embracing these untruths I was denying Him room to work.

So I have been focusing on letting go of my preconceived ideas about myself.  I know when I let go He can and will do a good work in me.  There is so much freedom in letting go....and I wanted to share the example in my life that he used to show me that there is no reason I can't complete personal projects and learn more about Him and myself in the process.

This cross stitch project was started when my husband of almost 16 year and I were engaged.  I was so excited to make him something for our wedding.....It was completed for his birthday this year.  I've carried it around for 16 years, through 15 moves and 5 children.  Always holding out hope that someday I complete this give of love for my incredible husband.  In January he was surprised, to say the least, when he received it on his pillow. 

 
I was inspired!  So off to Joanne's I went.

I am blessed with two mothers - my biological one whom I adore and my in-law one whom I also adore.  They are both very crafty people.  Sewing, painting, embroidery, you name it they just have that special gene that makes them crafty.  So I decided that I would embroidery dish clothes for my mother-in-law for her birthday.  Since she rarely get's homemade gifts I hoped she would know how much I loved her by making her something.  So with supplies in hand and a book on embroidery.  I read the book through, picked a very cute tea cup pattern, and set about my work.  And guess what. I finished!!  Not only did I finish it I wrapped it and got it off in the mail to her.  But alas I have no photo's...I'll try and get some when I visit next time.  But the important thing was that I finished!  I had turned a corner in my mind, a corner that I had built up as impossible..."it's just the way I am".  What a lie I had believed.

When I completed the dish clothes I began my daughters Christmas gift of her very own Princess pillowcase.  It didn't take very long to make and I really enjoyed it.  With the exception that I should have ironed it before taking the picture it turned out nice.

I have since began a new project for our family.  A Sampler blanket with the alphabet along the edges.  When I finish it I'll post more pictures :-)  It is a bigger project and I look forward to finishing it and enjoying the blanket for years to come.  It will remind me that God has a view of me that is different than I view myself at times and that I need to see myself through Jesus glasses and not the worlds or my own.

Psalm 139:13-16 "For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Home made Powdered Milk Cheese...oh my!

Yes you read the title correctly....you can make cheese at home...and out of powdered milk!

Now I've never made cheese before but I read the directions and figured if I could read it I could do it.  The instructions were super simple and I had some idea of what it should look like so off I went to the store to pick up a few items.

My items in hand I jumped in with both feet not realizing that there was more to this than meets the eye.  I read and reread the directions. I measured and scooped. My cheese cloth ready at hand to take my "would be" cheese. 
And when I went to rinse my curds and whey they rinsed right through my cheese cloth and down the sink :-(
I was disappointed to say the least!  What had gone wrong?  I followed the directions to a T. 

So off I went to my cooking with powdered milk guru Jan at Healthy Harvest.  I shared my cheese woes with her and she discovered my issue.  The powered mill you purchase at the grocery store is non-fat instant milk.  YOU CAN NOT MAKE CHEESE OUT OF INSTANT POWDERED MILK.  The correction was made and I purchased whole powered milk.  I would triumph over cheese yet!

The stage was set again!  Clean kitchen, pots, utensils.  My ingredient having been repurchase with good new whole powdered milk.  I was undaunted I could do this....and it would be eatable!

Did you know cheese doesn't smell that great when your cooking it?  My kids were very suspicious of this odd looking and smelling pot on my stove.  But I continued hopeful. 
The stage was set and my cheese cloth was ready......dun dun dunnnnn
I slowly poured the curds and whey in again and began to gently rinse expecting that at any moment my cheese cloth would be empty again.  But what happened has been a delight.
(I'll leave out the rest of the steps but it all went great :-))

Not only did my curds hold but the whey was totally different!  Yippee the first hurtle was done my cheese had made it through the cooking process!!!  I lovingly wrapped it in the cheese cloth and put it in my fridge to be tried by the judges a little later.

I hate to say this but we were all a little hesitant to try it.  But I got the GF crackers out and dug in first.  It was good!  So the rest of the crew did the same.  It was really good!  If you ask the kids they all compare it to something else but J thought it tasted like cheese in a can.  Not really a complement, but he loved it and ask if I could make more...lol.  The boys even used it for grilled cheese sandwiches and really liked it.  I ended up taking it away so they wouldn't eat the whole thing at once.

The whey ended up being great as well.  I used it in my homemade Gluten free bread and it made it light and moist.  Everything got used and made things taste better. 

So in the end it was great.  We like homemade cheese and it's many uses.  And I like that I know exactly what is in our food.

So yet again if you don't succeed at first try, try again.  After all we learn as we go. 

:-)

Back in the saddle again....

Well I didn't plan well.....really that's all I can say.

When I started sharing all that I'd been learning I didn't realize that Lent was around the corner :-)  See for Lent I try and avoid the computer.  It's a time where I use my time in many other ways.  Playing extra with my kids and husband, reading, learning, studying the Bible, pursuing new interest. 

It's been a wonderful 40 days.  I discovered a new hobby! The joy of embroidery.  I applied to Massage Therapy school at the University of Western States, we decided to enroll Zaya in private school next year, Jason and I enjoyed a much needed get away at Cannon Beach Conference Center for a great marriage retreat on the Song of Salomon, we've spent special time with extended family and so much more.  It's been a full and fulfilling Lent season.

I've already begun numerous post so they will be coming often of the things I've been learning before and during Lent.

I hope you all had a blessed Easter season.

Tortilla Success....finally

Who would have thought a little bit of corn flour and water could be such a big deal?

I've been trying for the last few weeks to make my own corn tortilla's with no success!  It's been very frustrating!

So I read a few blogs, visited a few cooking web sites, read recipes and figured no problem I could figure this out....lol....it's not that easy!

Now I have to preface this with the knowledge that it takes a lot longer to grind popcorn than beans or rice.  So the grinding process to get 3 cups of corn meal took a few days.  So when I finally got enough corn ground I was very eager to make a tortilla.

My first try I ground popcorn seeds added water pressed them with a flat cooking pan.  It fell apart before I ever got to the stove.  And I mean disintegrated as soon as I removed the plastic wrap.  No go

So back to the mill (a few days later) to run the corn through it two more times.  It looked pretty fine to me so I tried again.  Pretty much a repeat of the first experiment only this time it looked like a tortilla but just fell apart. Again I was using a pan to press.

Now as I type this I realize I should have taken pictures of my kitchen and the tortilla tries before and after each try and you'd know why I waited a few days in between tries :-) Corn tends to travel and I found that I had to deep clean my kitchen each time....ah the joys of a learning process...

Now I have a cast iron tortilla press so I decided to try again, my hope revived with a new kitchen tool.:-)

#3 We ground the corn more and got an even finer grind.  It was very pretty corn flour but apparently not fine enough!  It too fell apart!  Uuuggghhh will this never work!  It can't be this hard.  People make tortilla's in the woods with rocks!

#4 Same day as #3 only this time I broke open a bag of Maseca corn flour for tortilla's.  It made my fine grind look like corn meal.  The stuff is like the finest powder known to man.  I can't believe how incredibly soft and fine it is.  Then the light bulb turns on and I understand my failure to make the last ones work.   You have to use corn that is basically powder to make tortillas.   So try number 4 goes much smoother...a little water...a little oil, a little hand mixing, a cast iron pan that is hot but not to hot....and I have beautiful, yummy tortillas that the kids line up to eat! 

Success finally!  Even if the corn was not from my mill....now I know what I need to do to make tortillas.  So back to the grind (literally) to see how many times through the mill it takes to make corn flour that fine.

Laundry Day

I have discovered I love consistency in chores.  This has been big change for me as I tend to go with the flow and do things as they need to be done :-)

Thursday's in our house is laundry and clean the up-stairs.  I really like Thursday's!  There is something about getting to clean my own room that I love.  Clean sheets, vacuuming, cleaning my bathroom and closet.  There is something wonderful about order.

Now for you this may just be the way you live but for me this was revolutionary.  I have always been a fly by the seat of your pants girl.  Doing thing when they needed to be done or when I had time.  But I don't know many people who says "Oh I have a couple of minutes I think I'll clean my room."  Not in my house anyway.

But over the last year I have discovered that I truly enjoy order and the tidiness that comes with consistency in chores.  I also have found that with a plan everything get's done.  This is not rocket science and I've "known" of this for years but putting it into practice is another issue. 

With a family of 7 there seems to be a lot of stuff around so I've spend the last few months purging our house of unwanted or unneeded items.   We've been to the dump 2 times in the last month as part of the purge, countless items to the consignment stores or goodwill, and have given other items away to friends or family.  It feels so good.

Now I just need a bunch of bins to store the stuff we're keeping in and everything will have a home. :-)

Also last night was big for me, I unpacked all but one box that was sitting in my room.  We have been in this house for a year now and I've been looking at these boxes of "stuff" the whole time as they are in our master bedroom.  I've been dreading it!  They are boxes with stuff from the last 15 years....2 garbage bags later I only have one box left!  Yippee me!  Now that last box will be emptied next Thursday when I deep clean my room again.

I don't know about you but I always thought I couldn't get rid of anything or that I just couldn't keep my house that clean. (Sterile yes, tidy no)  I don't know if it's age, having 5 kids, or just living in a very functional home that has shown me that I can do those things.  And I actually like it.  There is peace in having a tidy home.

I'm loving learning as I go.  I hope your learning amazing things too....

Little Heathens

I would like to take a moment to introduce you to one of my favorite authors Mildred Armstrong Kalish.
 She is the author of the book "Little Heathens - Hard times and high spirits on an Iowa Farm during the Great Depression"  it is a treasury of American history.  I've looked long and hard for a book that covers a time not talked about by our Grand parents or Great Grand parents.  But a time that we could learn so much from.
 
Mildred goes by the name Millie Kalish and I think she too is a treasure.  Honestly I've read and reread many of her passages because they are full of life wisdom and history that we need to know and understand.  As I recently contacted her I'll share my email with you.
 

Thank you for writing such a wonderful, useful and encouraging book!  I have been searching for a book just like yours and have been delighted to read it.  I have laughed, cried, shared your stories, and underlined your recipes. I can't wait to make marsh-mellows .

What started my search for how to live a simpler life has been spurred by our current economic times.  Your book entails things that have been lost to the later generations but will be needed again.  And they are the things I have always been drawn to. The space to reply is limited so I just wanted to say "Thank You".  Your book has been a blessing to me and to those I have shared it with.

Sincerely

That in a nut shell is what I think of her book.

My kids have loved the passages I've read to them...especially the Halloween Outhouse tipping. I would suggest this book to anyone who is interested in how to live life with less and be content.  To work and play hard and to understand a generation that has had such an effect on us today.  We have so much to learn from them. 


Millie was 5 years old when the story begins as her life changed radically.  She became aware of the Great Depression not understanding what it was when she was 6.  But she saw the effect it was having on her family and those around her.  "Little Heathens" is her contribution to history as she writes first hand of the life and times of the Great Depression.


Some of my favorite parts have been stories of what it took to cook a meal, the planning, preparations.  That the preparations for Thanksgiving began months before.  How to make marmalade with only one orange but using carrots.  Farm Food, chores, wash day, and life as the seasons changed.  The importance of family and building character.  

It is a book that is rich to read.  I hope you get the chance, you'll have a hard time putting it down :-)


http://www.little-heathens.com/index.html

So much going on with Pinto Beans!

It's been a while since I've last written and for good reason....I've been learning.

It takes time to learn some things and trial and error is all part of the process.  I won't be able to share everything in one blog session so I'm hoping to share with you what I have been learning over the next few entries.

I'm going to start with one of my new adventures in cooking!

Pinto Beans and Chocolate.

Not something we would usually pair together but once you try it you can't go back :-)

I'm talking about Pinto bean fudge and Pinto bean chocolate cake!  Yup you read it right pinto beans and chocolate.  They are a pairing I will never part.  There is something about the pinto beans that totally bring out the richness of real cocoa that is like no other.  Now since chocolate and I are such good friends I was excited to try something new that I could consider "good" or at least better for me than the traditional recipes.

And Pinto beans are full of all sorts of wonderful things....fiber, protein, and vitamins. And they are the perfect consistency when ground to a powder that I've been able to use it cup for cup instead of wheat flour. (We use as little wheat in our family as possible due to cross contamination issues)  I'll cover the fun of grinding your own flours in another entry!

Ok so pinto beans are such a versatile bean.  I'm the first to admit that I only thought they were good for refried beans and chili.... oh how I have been missing out.  There is a whole world of Pinto bean recipes that show how versatile this little bean is.

Cakes
Burgers
Fudge
Chili's
Many Mexican dishes
Bread
Soups
Stews
and so on.....

I've gotten a lot of my recipes from Healthy Harvest owner Jan LeBaron
This recipe is from her cook book "Jan's Fabulous Food Storage Recipes" 
With her permission, here is her Pinto Bean Fudge recipe.  It didn't last long at our house!

Pinto Bean Fudge
1 cup cooked soft pinto beans (drained and mashed)
1/4 cup milk (can be powdered milk)
1 Tablespoon vanilla
2/3 cup baker's cocoa (I used dark chocolate)
1/4 cup water
6 Tablespoons butter
5 cups powdered sugar
Nuts, chopped (optional)

In a large bowl stir beans and milk together, adding enough milk to resemble mashed potatoes; stir in vanilla.  Add chocolate and butter and stir in bean mixture, 1/4 cup water, stir until nice and smooth.  Gradually stir in powdered sugar.  Knead with hands to get it well blended.

Spread into lightly buttered 9 inch baking dish or form into 1 1/2 inch rolls.  Chill 1-2 hours.

We ate it with a spoon after 2 hours...no complaints here!  But if you let it sit overnight it set's a little more and I think it's even richer tasting.  You can only have a little at a time as it's so rich!

Thank you Jan for this!

The Chocolate Cake recipe was from the Country Living Mill web site.  It's listed as a whole wheat recipe but I changed it to Pinto Beans.  Super Yummy!

Chocolate Cake

3 cups Pinto Bean flour
5 tablespoons cocoa
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons cooking oil
2 tablespoons vinegar
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups cold water

Stir the dry ingredients together in a bowl. Add the liquid ingredients and beat until almost smooth. Pour into greased and floured 9 x 13 inch pan and bake at 350 degrees for about 30- 45 minutes

www.healthyharvest.com

www.countrylivinggrainmills.com

A New Year

Happy New Year Friends,

Another year has passed and 2011 has arrived.  And again as last year I'm amazed at how time has flown.  That we are at the beginning of a new year, yet it seems as if last year just flew by.

We were blessed this year to spend Christmas week until New Years up at my in-laws cabin on Blewett Pass and it gave my husband and I some time to reflect on the blessings of 2010.  We've seen God's hand directing our family this year in so many ways, yet it seems so easy to overlook the miracles when we rush into the next year, focusing on new goals and issues.  Here's a brief look at our review.....

2010.....we began the year parents to our 3 boys, struggling in home school with learning issues, I didn't know how to fix, foster parents to two little ones, I was driving the little ones weekly 2 hours one way for visitations that usually didn't happen, living in a home that was making us ill and destroying our clothing (well issue), at the beginning of 2010 we always seemed to be sick, we we're driving 2 mini-vans to have room for all of us and our stuff,  we were always on the road to somewhere....music lessons, gymnastics, sylvan,  Austin had his tonsils removed, life just looked very blaa after a very dark and difficult 2009.....the list just seemed to continue of challenges we we were facing.

But around April 2010 things started turn.  God was continuing to take us on a journey we didn't really understand at the time.  One where He showed us He was faithful and we need to go through the blaa's of life to appreciate what he had planned.  And so we could walk with others through their challenges.  Every blessing we've received.....every good thing in our life is because of God.  There is no other reason!  It's not because of anything we've done or deserved....it's what God has done and taught us in this time.

So the second half of 2010 was dramatically different than 2009 or the beginning of 2010.  The boys: we discovered that the learning issues we were facing weren't learning issues at all.....our last eye doctor had (somehow) missed that Issac is super farsighted and he has to have glasses to read.  Thanks to our good friend and eye doctor Stephanie he now reads great (and reads everything!)  Ethan learned to see the value in Math and Austin's attitude changed and his school work was done in record time! Praise the Lord!!!  We finished our 2009/2010 school year with rave reviews and lots of learning.  Our foster childrens bio parents voluntarily relinquished their parental rights opening the door for us to adopt them.  In July the adoption was finalized and we are now their life long parents!!! Praise the Lord!  We moved from the house that was making us sick into another wonderful home that we all love living in.  Vans: We sold one and traded the other mini-van in for a 15 passenger van that fits not only us and our stuff but friends too!  And with the economy the price on the van was dramatically lowered. With the van we were able to drive to Disneyland with another family. Allowing us time to make memories with all 5 kids together.  And one of the biggest differences for the family as a whole and our quality of life has been that we have been very healthy!

Now this brief over view just scratches the surface of what has been going on in our family.  It doesn't cover the heart, attitude and mind changes that have occurred.  Those are far to deep and personal to share on a blog, but they are a big deal too!

2011 is a year we look forward to.  Now, we know that there are some big challenges this year that need to be overcome.  But we also know that God will continue to lead and work in our family to use these challenges for His glory and our training.

What about you?  What about your families?  Have you had a chance to review your last year?  Was 2010 a year of challenges, triumphs or both?

I hope as you take time to look back you are encouraged by the fact that you are never alone in your struggles or joys.  God is always there just waiting for you to turn to Him.